ALITerAture

I ve always thought that, despite shortcomings, flaws and all the crap
that surrounds my being, all in all, at the end of the day, i can still
say that im an ok person. Yeah im very aware that im not all that
embodies perfection, and yeah im so completely ok with that fact. After
all nothing is. With that thought in mind, ive always believed that all
througout, from preschool days up till collage, ive been pretty much an
anverage kid. likable, friendly, fun and all that ra ra ras…(stop me
now if you think im wiping my own ass and loving it).

The happy childhood thoughts were shot down with a mighty shotgun when
mom came to me one fine day and told me.."Did you know, you were not
wanted in that preschool you went to?" Picture all the ‘lovely’
memories i had crashing down in a tidal wave of false truths. Im still
recovering from the trauma.

So. Apparently my grade teacher then, spoke to my mother behind my back
( but then again she might as well be spelling everything out for me
and i still wouldnt understand right..? heh) and specifacally told her
that i didnt have the right attitude for the school.
ooooooooohhh….what a danger i was to the other kids. yeah so i was a
little bit of a bully. someones got to be to toughen up the meeks,
agree? no? too bad.

anyways, yes, i was not made for the school. fancy that. no it wasnt
some high rep overpriced kindergarten that stuffs you in a fancy
uniform that make you act like twats. it was just an ordinary
house-next-door kinda preschool, with silly drawings all over the wall,
and recess with your own packed lunch. who the hecks’ NOT made for that
kinda school? you tell me.

So i asked mom, what ‘d you do then? she said she prayed. and she
prayed a lot. did i get kicked out of school? No, she said. i somehow
survived. phew. thats a relief. i was beginning to think that all those
memories and pictures of my past didnt exist. so? what happened? she
said it got her really really worried. She didnt know what to make out
of me anymore. and i was only what? 6? give me a damn break! my
sensibilities were doubted even before it had a chance to develop. poor
me. hm. i think ive just done a psychosis on myself and found the
answer to all my problems. ha ha. ok whatever. back to the story.

I didnt have the right attitude. okay. let me TRY and defend myself,
the opposition being…no one. first of all, were the other kids
somehow born with the innate talent to differenciate good and bad
behaviour? if so then why the hell were they sent to school in the
first place? if thats not the right question at hand, then were they
(the teachers) indirectly blaming my parents (whom are lovely people
might i add) for my disapproving 6 year old behaviour? (if they were,
they are a bunch of low lifes motherfuckers who dont deserve kids of
thier own and i condemn them to eternal hell on earth as well as
hereafter). What the hell were my parents paying them for then right?
To just sit thier ass and play watchdog for half the day? I dont think
so.

Secondly, lets say i admit i had an attitude problem. Isnt that thier
department in helping my parents handle the situation? Instead of just
complaining to them…no..make that Whining…instead of whining back
to them, why couldnt they rectify my attitude and show me the gadamn
light right? Bunch of Pussies. Goes to show how much training and
education they got to handle six year olds. I mean..COME ON. They made
me sound like i was a variable candidate to go out there into the world
and destroy it.

Lastly, again, lets say i do admit that ive an attitude problem…whats
the worst that can happen? what kind of damage can a six year old do to
herself and the other kids around her? Honestly, the worst thing i
remembered doing, was yell shut up at this gangly tall indian boy who
then cried to the grade teacher about it and in return she made the
whole entire class yell shut up back at me. is that the way to teach a
kid a lesson? maybe. cos i dont wake up everyday hating myself, or try
kill a sheep everytime i see one. but i think thats thanks to my mental
power. thats besides the point. anyway, i got my punishment did i not?
i swear..sometimes i think they simply just hate my guts cos i had one.
maybe i was too much for them to handle cos i was acting a little more
than a six year old. hm. (am i wiping my ass and loving it again?
hahaha…)

The conclusion to it all is that my mom came through with me through
her determination to make me right, wherever i was wrong. which is what
parents do, HELLO. and she came out of it proud and strong. and for her
to say to me herself that i am her pride and joy, is great enough yo.
and thank God she didnt listen to that dumb bitch grade school teacher.
can you imagine how a mother feels, to hear something like that about
her kid? I hope grade schools are a td more advance now for the sake of
my own kids man. Or ill have to resort to opening one up myself and
show them gradeschool teachers how its done…HAH take that Mrs Gee!
you moronic wimp.

The other conclusion is, people should give people a chance. Especially
to the little people. They dont know any better. And thats why theyre
littler. Its the bigger people’s job to show them the right-a-way. The
idea is to have the right kind of big people to lead. And thus, thats
what schools are for, Mrs Gee, you nitwit. I hate you by the way.

So i may sound a little worked up over the whole deal. After all its in
the past right. And your past made you what you are today right. Should
i thank the nitwit? Sure, why not. Thank You Nitwit. But i’ll never
forgive you for the near breakdown that you might have caused my mother
and father. And the near possibility of turning me into a potential
people hater. At that note, i’d like to say, thank God for Primary
School. Cos it was primary school that flushed away all those bitter
beginnings. Phew.

Hey, i really did do a psychosis onto myself. Im healed! hahaha…..

Peace.

I should just mind my own damn business. I mean…its not like it
affects me in any real way. But heck it irritates the crap out of me.
In fact its irritating the crap out of me for the fact that after yonks
of not blogging, i chose to blog about it now. However, i do have a
point to ponder, and it is after all my blog space. So be it.

I was told last week its Siti’s nikah day today. Im trying hard to
resist the temptation of rolling my eyes again everytime her name is
mentioned, even by me. Lets see. What other Siti-related inputs have
there been since the whole shebang of her soon to be union with the
Misai Man (yuck)….ah yes…the live telecast by various networks from
Indonesia who are willing to pay through thier nose mouths and ear
lobes…uhm..well thats all the exposure i allow myself to handle when
it comes to this ridiculous phenomenon. Ah whatever.

Once upon a time, she was famous for being a singer. Once upon a time
only her fans care. Once upon a time, i never cared. Now i cant help
but care. Because there goes what we know of the appreciation of the
arts. Celebrity hype culture of today takes it all away, churns it in
its ugly mouth and spit it out. Its
no more just about the arts and science of music/theatre. Its thier
lives as well. Its not high pop culture anymore. Its insignificant
trash culture. Hollywood makes a great big brother example (duh). What
was that saying they keep repeating in the industry? bad publisity is
better than no publisity. huh. yeah. no shit sherlocks. thats great for
the "stars" and "superstars" of today. for now. but what about the
future individuals and thier perception of real talent, tradtitional vs
pop culture and its worth, and making a living out of it? and what of
thier values when pinned to that ideal? I predict the deterioration of
the industry. And the deterioration in the appreciation of the craft.

Maybe im just worrying for nothing. Maybe there is a good that ll come
out of it. Maybe im just turning into a traditionalist. Maybe im just
sick of the whole thing.Maybe i should just get back to work now.

But i should just as well mind my own damn business. huh.