ALITerAture

its lunch time. i go down to the 5th floor for my daily after lunch
dessert of fruits from the fruits stall. usually, its tapau lunch, then
tapau fruits. but sometimes i bring lunch from home. so today, its just
fruits.

i line up like any other sane person would do when you see a que. i pick my choice from the aneka buah yang ada. then i wait.

out of the great blue, comes a rush of "hens" (i use hens, because its
more polite, than the word that i rather use) going,
"nyoknyeknyoknyeknyoknyek..". next thing you know two of them are
talking thier way to the front of the que with no regard whatsoever to
the sane people who s been there first. typical.

i look at them attempting to give The Stare, with the hopes that the
neuron in that thick head of thiers whould finally work. no such
friggin luck.

fine. its just fruits anyway. no use losing anything over fruits.

but then, life is so full of surprises. the que -cutters began
sondol-ing thier hefty arses not realizing that the spot just aint big
enough for the overlaod of fats on thier rears. they begin to annoy the
shit out of me. they begin to annoy the shit out of every other
womenfolk there who sense the same idiocy that is being witnessed.

THEN, taking thier Godforsaken sweet time, they take thier pick, and
have the nerve to ask the rest of the hens that DIDNT cut the que, "ko
nak buah apa, pah? aku pilih yang comel punya untuk ko.."

i could do so many things at that point.

one: say, "eh cik kak, buta ka apa?"
two: say, "tak reti beratur ke??"
three: say, "WOI! PUNDEK BETUL! BERATUR LAH!"
four: cut thier "que" and buat pekak.
five: snatch thier fruits right out of thier hands, give it a good throw, and proceed to waiting, pretending nothing happened.
six: snatch thier fruits right out of thier hands, give it a good
throw, making sure it hit someone in the head. and when that
unfortunate head turns to my direction, i point to the hens.

i perservered. for i, am no hen. so what did i do?

i bite my tounge. and let it slide.

ten minutes later, im upstairs enjoying my lunch, the hen episode
forgotten. later on, i feast on my fruits, and my my, arent they much
sweeter today.

urgh. i feel like such a lame ass, sitting here at my cubicle, writing
blog after meaningless blog, cruising the net like a bored teenager,
surf-sneaking in the middle of computer class. hate it. hate hate hate
it.

please dont think im slacking off work cos im not. please dont think im
not taking the initiative to find work cos there isnt any. please.

everyone around me is so immersed in thier tasks. frowns seem to frame
every forehead here. the best part is, my pc is the only one here with
the world wide web. so. its pretty obvious that when im consistently
typing and clicking away, im NOT really doing anything that is remotely
important that contributes to the companys’ name. AND, they aaaaaalllll
knows it.

to top it off, somehow, i seem to think that its okay for me to put all
this up in multiply, and then select "Everyone". at least theres a
little spirit left there. sheeeeeeesh.

issues issues. if only they grew on hair. then i could just chop all my
hair off and walk out of the hairsaloon, as light as a fairys’ ass.

but no. there s no such thing as a fairys’ ass. just like theres no
such thing as issues growing on hair. what the eff man. oh ..and
suddenly im saying eff instead of Fuck.

aaahahahahaaa…

help me. im going insane.

pheh

the nerve. you pour your soul. your spell it out a by b by c..and
still, silence is your answer. thats the shit part with expectations.
once again, i fell into that trap. and i have to swallow my own friggin
words. what the friggin fuck.

why why why. why do i torture myself. if only there s a button that you
can just click "off". if only that thing called feelings is chalk on
the blackboard that you can just wipe off with a spit on the palm. if
only if only. bleagh. *fedup*

vent alita, vent. well yesserrie, here i am venting muthafucka.

tap tap, there it goes.
clap clap, go on, burn in the shadows.

what the hell am i pissin on here man?
WHAT?

oh .. hey…there it is.

its just my back aching like an apple trapped in a fucking twisted piece of metal.

mention architecture, and generally, people would go.."oooh.."
mention architect, the same general people would go.." waaaa…"

well..that used to be me. after about 4 months of exposure to the world
of plans, CAD artists and building appreciation, im a little wiser.
well. ok. not wiser. i can do more than "oooh.." and "waaaa..". its
like going back to the days when i used to wonder how the heck they
send SMS’s from one phone to another way on the other side of town. all
that text. in a mobile phone. yes, i was that clueless.

much to my own amazement, thier job is pretty bland. i mean, yeah…its
so cool that they somehow twist and turn thier wrists around, and Walla!..instead
of a rabbit, they pull an entire building out of the hat. things are
just more magical when you dont see them. but really, the botom line
here is, its just plans after plans after plans. and then, after all
that, its more plans.

i used to imagine that the work process consisted of more variations…
and was somewhat more…artsy. maybe it is, in its own architectural
context, like coming up with a design for a building. but in the naked
eye of an obsever, its just plain tedious. which is probably why they
are paid so damn much. and they probably deserve more.

where am i going with this? actually, i dont know. i was having my
after-lunch-ciggie break at the stairwell while browsing through an
interior design magazine when i thought of my thoughts. and it landed
on this pebble garden in one of the magazine pages. and i thought,
there you have it. the zen of today. a dead garden. that probably costs
more than a semi detatched house in taman tun. nice.

then my thoughts (boy they sure are active today) went on to how my
eyes are opening wider as the days pass, to how design is taking over
everything in this world. and yet, we (Malaysia) still cant concieve
something thats Incredibly Original, something that can truly, at the
bottom of our hearts, make us go, "hey, thats a fuckin Malaysian
original aight!".

and then (bear with me) it
went to this firm. ONE of the biggest name in Malaysian architecture.
youd think that being that, its because they came up with something
truly great. but alas, here in Malaysia, you can be ‘one of’ many
things, for a great many reasons. sometimes its valid. sometimes its
stupid. no, the reason for this firms’ name isnt stupid. nor is it
valid. its just a misconception of why it is a big, or rather, a known
name, in the architecture world. dont get me worng though. there are
great minds here. with great ideas. sad thing is, thats where it ends
most of the time. as ideas. why? lets just say its due to external
factors that couldnt be helped. its a bloody crying shame.

finally, i thought of my present job with this firm, and how the enigma
of the whole industry is slowly unfolding right before my squinting
eyes. then i got my answer. not that there really was a question to
begin with. but yeah…its not all fairies and lepricons after all.
just a bigger version of making a cake. that takes a longer time to
bake. and instead of using weighing scales, they use computer
softwares.

ah well. the evolution of this mind continues.

I love you… I love you… I love you

Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren’t complete
If you weren’t by my side
You’re my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There’s no darkness I can’t overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the seed
With you and God, who’s my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I’m so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and mixed up world

I am in love with you
You set me free
I can’t do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I’m Dangerously In Love with you
I’ll never leave
Just keep lovin’ me
The way I love you loving me

And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain’t easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I’m grateful
To have you by my side

Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To love you
                  
Dangerously in love
Can’t do this thing
I love you , I love you, I love you
I’ll never leave
Just keep on loving me
I’m in love with you
I can not do
I cannot do anything without you in my life
Holding me, kissing me, loving me
Dangerously
I love you
Dangerously in love

weekends.
its like a word made of gold. all in its precious 48 hours of glory. is
it fair that its only that long in a week of our lives, that we indulge
in our whatevers during those blissfull hours?
well. life isnt always fair, as they say.

anywho, what would it be like, without the usual saturdays and sundays?
ever wondered?
i have.
it’d be like this…

Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Monday
Wednesday
Friday
Wednesday
Friday
Wednesday
Friday
Friday
Friday…

uh oh…*sizzle*…..*fried*

hahah..

yeah…that’d be real bad ey.

im thankful for my weekends. even if its just two days in a week. some
people have it worse. some people dont have the luxury to even say "i
love my weekends."
no job to take a break from.
no PC to look away from.
no phone call to distract them.
no colleagues to bitch with.
no end of the month to look forward to.
no paycheck to cash in.
to spend…for the weekend.

its only Thursday. Tomorrow’s Friday. and then, its that end of the rainbow again.
embrace your pot of gold people. youre hitting jackpot soon.